Strategies to resolve disagreement or Conflicts
The conflict that I recently experienced with a colleague was about how to present a document to the committee so that it would be coherent for everyone to comprehend. The colleague could not understand what I was stating to her and kept getting frustrated and upset. The issue was the way the monthly budget report was written so that everyone can understand it to make an informed decision on spending. The colleague became agitated and began to shout at me stating that the report was fine for the others and it should be the same for me. The issue here is that the others on the committee did not understand it but went along with it so not to upset her because they knew her personality.
The two strategies used were to first use active listening skills, along with understanding the root of the conflict so that I could use productive conflict strategy and minimizing the provocation. I did not want my colleague to feel I was accusing her or that she was incompetent. I also used the 3 R’s to be able to dissolve the conflict/disagreement so that we both could reflect on what caused the conflict. I stopped talking to allow her to blow off her steam and when she was done, I ask her to explain the document to the group. As she started to do this, she realized that the document was confusing to her as well. She proceed to explain that this was the way the document was given to her from the previous committee so she continued using it and never thought to make changes. At that point, I apologize for any misunderstanding and told her that I was concerned because the document was confusing. I did not want to upset her or change the way she did her job, just wanted to make the document comprehensible for everyone.
I also use the 3 R’s to be able to be respectful, reciprocal, and responsive to diffuse the conflict. I respected her opinion, allowed her to state her case, and responded tactfully. By learning to use the ideas of relationship to be respectful of others through observation of her verbal, non-verbal behaviors, I was able to avoid the situation getting worse.
How would you handle this situation? Should I have made it a different decision?
emsece 
Emily, I think you used conflict resolution in this situation very well. I especially like how you acknowledge the other person was upset and gave her the opportunity to blow off her frustrations. The strategies you chose to use where well thought out and effective and I think I would have taken the same approach if faced with this conflict.
Great post,
Shelia
I’m very impressed with the way you handled that conflict. I don’t know if I would have been able to keep my calm in that kind of situation. It’s always more difficult when the people involved get frustrated.
Jennifer,
It was very hard to keep my calm, but I was in the church building so that fact alone controlled my impulse to respond. The other thing is that I am not a confrontational person so. I would of walked away.
Thanks.
Em
Hi Emily,
I think you handled this situation the best you could! I think being put on the spot can be intimidating, but using the strategies helped you to get through it in a professional way. I respect the fact that you were able to put your personal opinions aside to deal with the issue.
Hi Emily,
You did well. If I would have been at church when someone started yelling at me in a meeting, I would have started praying in the midst of her yelling. I know me and my patience is great when it comes to folk yelling at me. The Lord knows this about me, so it has only happened a couple of times in my adult life. I think the only thing that I see just from your post is when I saw the first sign of her getting frustrated I would have stopped talking then. I think the fact that you were driving your point is what frustrated her. Maybe if you would have asked her to explain the budget document earlier she could have reached the same conclusion that you had before frustration and yelling set in. Again this is based on reading your post. I am sure you did what was best in the situation. And if others know that she displays this type of behavior, then why haven’t they intervened. She seems like she needs a spiritual intervention for her attitude. I’m just saying. : ) Thank you for sharing this with us!